Sunday, June 1, 2014

How marriage changes the game.

So, the other night I had the pleasure of being hit on by my slightly inebriated patient in the ER.  He proceeded to drop cute little one-liners, which I ignored while hurriedly sewing his cut.  Until he finally asked the right question: "Are you married?"  And just like that, no more Mister Nice Guy.

Marriage is the game-changer.

It is like no other relationship you will ever have.  In past dating relationships, the other person existed to make you happy, until you weren't, and then you broke up.

So one day, you meet the person that you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with.  Everything about this person seems different and you are sure that you are perfect together, 100% compatible, and you will live happily ever after in peaceful bliss.

And then you get married.  At last, you tell yourself, you will never have to be alone, you will spend the rest of your days with stars in your eyes, and you will melt into each other's arms each and every day just like in the movies.


It's not that marriage doesn't have these moments.  It's just that these moments aren't so much spontaneous as they are born from hard work.

Let me just tell you, my hubby and I aren't 100% compatible.  Far from it.  We are exactly opposite.  He is extroverted, I am introverted.  He is a thinker, I am a feeler.  He sees things in black and white, I see things in shades of gray.

It makes for lots of arguments, but also leaves room for a lot of learning and grace.

Grace.  Marriage does not exist without it.

I got married at the ripe age of 21.  Whoa.  I will be the first to admit I was young and immature.  There is so much that I have learned over the last 6 years, so many things I would have done differently.  Like many other young girls, I imagined that marriage was about love, passion and romance.  Over the past few years, I have learned that marriage is more about hard work, dedication, commitment, and selflessness.  I have learned that marriage is less about always being attracted to your spouse, and more about choosing your spouse each and every day.

To wake up every morning to the same person, and still be able to say "I choose you," is the most romantic thing of all.  When you're married, you know the innermost parts of that person.  You know the good, the bad, and the ugly.  But DESPITE the ugly, you choose them daily.

Now, don't get me wrong: our marriage is full of love and PDA.  But so many people base their choices on their feelings, instead of basing their feelings on their choices.

Although marriage is nothing like I thought it would be, it is everything that I need it to be.  

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